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This is how much I weigh.

February 7, 2011

I’ve been of the more-robust variety since third grade.  At my highest weight, I was sixty pounds heavier than I am now.

But I find no consolation in that.  That was a long time ago, this is now.

Two years ago, I worked really hard to get in shape.  Revamped my pantry, discovered yoga, stuck to workout and eating goals, and dropped twenty pounds in a common-sensical and healthy way.  Became the lightest I’ve been my entire adulthood.

Yet, I’m now ten pounds heavier than I was a year ago.

Nothing I’ve been doing is working, probably rooted in eating spoonfuls of dark chocolate peanut butter straight from the jar, with the justification that I bought it at Whole Foods, so it must be healthy.  My drive and will-power has dissipated.

So, in the spirit of a craving for health and all the positivity that comes with that, and in the spirit of a project I’m currently entrenched in, Fear Experiment… I’m 187 pounds.

See you in two weeks.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Travis permalink
    February 9, 2011 1:57 PM

    Is it possible that you’ve gained more muscle from going to the gym? Don’t overlook that!

    I’ve lost about 24 pounds since mid-October. I cut way back on carbs and starting eating more animal fats and protein. I was frustrated for years with not being able to lose pounds, no matter how much I went to the gym, and finally found something that works for me.

    Just keep tweaking the food and be patient! We all like you because of who you are, not because of a number from a scale.

    • February 12, 2011 10:34 AM

      Travis, 24 pounds!! That’s great, so happy for you.

      I wish I could chalk it up to muscle but… no, it’s flabby-ness. Have adjusted food intake and it seems to be working. The trick is just to keep it up.

      Way past the stage of caring what others think of me [or my physical-state at least]. I don’t like myself when I’m fat!

  2. February 7, 2011 7:03 PM

    Saya, I have always found you to be beautiful and if someone as amazing as you struggles with my weight it makes me feel a little bit better because I find you to be without any faults at all. Also funny to know that we are also the harshest critics and others don’t notice half of what you did, but ready this makes me motivated to get back into my healthy habits!

    • February 9, 2011 12:18 PM

      Oy MP, my fault list is long and ever-growing!!! But thank you very much for the kind words. Need them, especially today, after a rough class of highschool students, the kind that makes you ask, “Why am I doing this?”

      Very much appreciate the niceties. Good luck staying on track with your healthy habits! So hard. But much easier with support of people like you!!

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